New Dodgers reliever Chris Perez is a present with a past

Who really knows if the Dodgers gave their bullpen a boost this week with the addition of Chris Perez?

But they most assuredly gave us a Christmas gift. Us, as in the media, a group that:

1) Celebrates the absurd.
2) Trumpets the outspoken.
3) Highlights the offensive.

In Perez, the Dodgers just signed a Triple Crown candidate. Unless you consider it uninteresting that Perez was busted in June after a package containing marijuana arrived at his home, addressed to the family dog.

Perez was playing and living in Cleveland at the time. The package reportedly was sent from Los Angeles, so maybe joining the Dodgers was simply Perez’s way of eliminating the middle man.

For the record, we’re of the opinion that marijuana use isn’t the most insidious crime on the planet. Perhaps that’s because, as a fan of the NBA, we appreciate the role weed plays in keeping that league going.

But we also support the notion that pets can be more entertaining than people, and, honestly, who wouldn’t want to meet a pooch that was on the receiving end of a pot shipment?

Whatever his explanation, Perez’s addition – and think about this one for a few seconds – now makes Brian Wilson’s beard only the second-most intriguing resident of the Dodgers’ bullpen. Wilson’s beard doesn’t even pack as much color as Perez does. Amazing.

The Dodgers certainly aren’t the Angels, and we don’t just mean because the Dodgers occasionally make the playoffs. The Dodgers also have significantly more personality in their clubhouse than do the Angels, who can be about as titillating as watching grass grow.

Speaking of grass, Perez also admitted to police last spring that marijuana found in his home was for his “personal use.” Authorities apparently were unable to get a similar confession out of Perez’s dog.

It’s easy to be less than serious about this topic because the charges Perez faced were a misdemeanor. According to reports, he eventually pleaded no contest and received a year of probation, meaning he might have been punished more harshly for speeding.

Throughout his time with the Indians, Perez often was called the “colorful closer.” He also answers to the nickname “Pure Rage” and has been known to bust out the celebratory moves of professional wrestlers as a way to punctuate noteworthy strikeouts.

The Dodgers had an overly animated pitcher once named Jose Lima, who cut a mambo album and performed at wedding receptions.

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